STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
