Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dignity is for republicans.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
