New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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