The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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