nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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