his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
