I'm sorry my penis didn't work
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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