It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
