if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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