I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Floor bacon is actually really good
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