Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
zippers are such a cool invention
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
