we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
