Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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