His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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