fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
