I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
