I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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