dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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