Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
