Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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