Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
