I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
