I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
