I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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