the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
