i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
