We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
