Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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