I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
