Got a toothbrush?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
