I want to have your abortion
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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