gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
