Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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