y did u give ur computer a hand job?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
