did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
