I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
