I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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