I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
