I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
