I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dick very happy bro
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
