a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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