I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize