Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
