dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bet he comes in French.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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