TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
