the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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