I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
