So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
