i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
