i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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