I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
