Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
