are you still at the devil's house?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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