You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
