so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
