What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
