Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
