meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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