I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
