i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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