Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
True strength comes from lack of pants
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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