that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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