Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
